Swap eyes?

Why can't we see ourselves for who we really are? What causes one to disregard compliments due to their sabotaging self esteem, even if those words spoken were laced with true belief? I couldn't fathom why people around me possessed perceptions that I could never relate to myself and was led to question; do we clearly convey our intentions, realise our potential or even understand ourselves well enough? Perhaps it is time to have a good look in the mirror, but through someone else's eyes.

Forget to forgive

I've recently lost myself amongst my own thoughts and previous events, but was struck by confusion when I thought back to times when I have accepted apologies, despite their lack of integrity. I'm confused as to why, as human beings, we feel obligied to accept apologies just because we have been asked for forgiveness. It seems no matter the measure of damage caused, if someone apologises, you best accept or be considered careless and selfish. Well so what if looking out for your feelings is selfish? I'm sorry for being human and wanting to keep my heart unharmed, and please diregard any obligation to accept that :)

Unrational and raw

It's just one of those days where nothing seems to work out. Where everything seems to go against your favour and all you can really do is sit back and count down the minutes until midnight strikes. The fact my skin is raw and stained with blisters does not help the fact, nor does the realisation that I will forever be second best to the person I hold highest priority. I suppose if you truly do love someone you have to accept them for who they are, regardless if their flaws leave you waiting by the phone for hours. It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.

Lost girl

After a mindless banter turned to a deep and meaningful with my girls, I began to question everything I believed in. For a girl who thought she was lacking a belief system, I suprised myself. Okay so in my theory I believe that we are somewhat given the foundations of life and are to make of it what we choose, but could it be that our life is already pathed out and we are simply following instructions? What if what we think that our irrational acts rebel against what we should do, when in fact the notion was preconceived at birth? And if so then how are we to ever feel independent and proud in the decisions we make for ourselves? In all honesty, I'm more content sticking to my prior thought, in which we are given paths and we choose the steps to take. Even if I am wrong ignorance is, and always will be, bliss.

1969 - 2010

Rest in Peace
“From heaven to hell and back again, life is a funny thing. Beauty can come from even the most disgusting places.”
— Alexander McQueen

Slow down

Why is it that as humans, we focus on what we don't have rather than what we do have? The idealistic realm in which we all strive for, smothers our perception to what treasures we already posses. We're inclined to believe that perfection is unattainable thanks to such phrases as "nobody is perfect", so if it is out of reach, why do people lose their souls in search of it? Or, what if perfection is truly attainable and whilst we are all venturing to uncover some miracle, it is right in front of us, yet we are too swept up to even notice? While everything begins to spin out of control, I've opted to sit back and enjoy the view of my own version of perfection... love.

Love's queue

Love waits for no one, so why wait for it? After witnessing those around me suffer from the desperation of yearning for a partner, they seem to settle for the next charmer without any understanding of their motives. It seems as if you were to wait on love, you are so anxious to find that affection you will settle for something to simply feed that urge, no matter their character. It is true when they say all good things in life take time, including successful relationships. Even if it takes what may seem like a life time, it will be worth it.. trust me.

Speechless

Peach stained lips will never possess the power that a gentle touch could. Actions will forever speak louder than words. It takes anyone to simply promise someone the world, but one with a lion's heart and strong mind to ever accomplish such a thing. My love could never speak again and I would feel the exact way I do today simply by gazing into those glossy eyes and witnessing every act of adoration. Those of a physical nature have always been more impressive than words slurred under a blank sky. It takes something quite magical to captivate without words, yet somehow I have fallen into one's arms.

Loose lips

Correct me if I am wrong, but it seems as those words have lost all value in our society today. Terms seem to have enticed repetition in our day to day vocabulary despite their malicious connotations, and promises are kept as often as the blue moon rises. It sickens me to question how many times I have been reassured, promised and confided in, only for it all to have been some facade. I refuse to possess such a loosely strung vocabulary, and sorry if I appear crazy, but I have always thought promises are made with intention to keep them.

♥

The sheets in which we lose ourselves amongst and whisper secrets, are my saviour from the status quo. You are no stranger to my feelings or the secret indulgences of paralyzing nights. Minutes have been wasted contemplating what to write about in my posts, which results in myself either giving up and closing the screen or writing about you; considering you are all I can think about. Yet somehow, I have never been more focused on what I need in life. I have found someone, not only that I have intense feelings for, but someone that is genuinely good for me. One day we will fall in love with one another, but until then "shut up".

Borderline cynical

Witness the life of a friend crash and burn, then tell me how you view the world. After attempts of rescuing one's soul whom had spent the last five hours in the intensive care unit, I was forced to take a step back. Happiness is as fleeting as a shooting star, so why wait until it burns out before appreciating it? I would be a fool if I said I had never taken a heart or soul for granted but after witnessing such trauma, I refuse to let myself ever make the same mistake. One will never know the harm of their unappreciative and selfish behaviour, well unless they were left to bleed on the pavement like my friend.

Going nowhere fast

Is it true that you're unable to love someone if you cannot love yourself? I've witnessed the battle between what I want and what I need, and resent myself for letting this war rage on for so long. I know this isn't good for me, but I am in it for the rush of our chemistry. Perhaps my heart has had enough of my foolish mistakes and therefore refuses to let me feel again in order to save myself from another injury. Regardless of why I am the way I am, I hate it and cannot construe a solution that could mend such a tedious affliction. I love you, but not myself, so where does that leave "us"?

A little white lie

"The truth hurts", so how does that validate someone's actions of sharing their regrettable past in order to free their guilt? Relationships cannot exist without honesty, but surely if someone was to be afflicted by the truth, wouldn't it be simpler for the guilty to deal with the burden themselves rather then harming the innocent? If you love someone it is instinctive to try and protect them from harm's way, so how can one justify hurting someone they care about purposely, just so they can sleep with a free conscience? In a world of white lies, the world would be based on ignorance but a lot less bonds would be severed.. pity I suck at lying.

New Inspiration: Cedric Rivrain

Dear significant other;

Sitting down at computer, staring at the blank post on the screen and you were the only thing that I could think of, and so I wrote.. I'm yet to decipher what exactly about your character entices me to surrender my heart to you, but right now I couldn't care less because you are mine. Malicious souls and hard times will envy us, as they have before, but my mind is at ease with the fact I know you are different. I was kidding myself to ever think I wouldn't get lost in your brown eyes, but now I am, I couldn't be happier. You have opened my eyes to what my heart is capable of feeling, and for that I adore you unconditionally. If you're a bird, I am a bird.

100%

With a new year followed a new realisation; no matter the level of confidence within a relationship you share, never give somebody your all. Your entirity is all anyone really possesses without any materialistic connotations, so why give that away? No matter the volume of affection you're consumed by or the smiles you're surrounded by on this planet, you only ever really have yourself. There is no harm in falling in love and sharing your world with another heart, but never your entirity. Those waters are far too deep for the reckless, and without owning your soul, I'm afraid there is nothing to keep you afloat.

Little Red

Wolves are now amongst us. Beasts hiding in disguise as they once did in tales. Hungry eyes and an empty heart are a dime a dozen in this town, but nothing suprised me more to learn that the angel whose heart I had adored and protected, was in fact one of a beast. Possesed by a soul, lacking all reasoning of fidelity and honesty led me to question, it is logically impossible for a heart to break? This hollow and depriving ache leads me to believe that I myself, have fallen victim to this malicious attack of a broken heart.

Taking on seven years

Recently it dawned upon me that no matter how well you believe you know someone, you don't. It's understandable that it may take years to decipher someone, their characteristics and behaviour, but apparently not even close to a decade is enough. With a newly blossomed friendship it is presumed each day is bound to be a new learning experience about one another, but one would think that after years of spending almost all 356 days together, that they would have validation to judge someone. After considering someone as close as family and sharing every possible dark secret, isn't it polite to expect to be given a glimpse of someones's true side. It's tiring spending nights awake questioning where along the line a mistake was made, where on earth I stumbled upon the idea that I knew you. I guess sincerity is close to extinct in this town, so gather your defence and armour up.