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A glimmer of hope existed within me today. Although fleeting, I refuse to disregard such a delight. No morsel of guilt, nor regret, exists for that kiss we shared. Under my breath, I whispered every single word I longed to tell you, but somehow couldn't. If only you heard, or I was summon the courage, then perhaps this could perhaps blossom into something sought out by the thousands. I long to be the girl of your dreams, but find it hard to fathom expressing my adoration for you, as you've found another. You found a lover. And nobody wants some pre-loved item of affection, who is damaged. Although you may not have realised it. You rescued me today... my own knight in shining armour.
I'm all robotics now. All for the money. No time to be wasted on those fables and make-believers. No weak knees or sweaty palms. I'm untouchable. Unaffected. It's delicious. Pure wonder. Don't waste trying to understand, just embrace. Lost myself, found a better version. This city won't take me and I will be damned if it try. Red nails, high heels and ignorance. I'm in bliss. Friends seem to fly in and out of my life. Diets seem never ending. But never looking for approval, now that's utter pleasure. Nothing less than the best baby. Don't look back.
I cannot fathom anyone coming close to receiving my affection. Never seen played out in reality, thus in my eyes, romance remains to exist only in films and novels. One nighters and liners don't cut it for me, and never will. My mind is set on what I long for, and deserve, and I refuse to accept anything less. Independance seems to fit me better though, so for the time being I intend to rely on myself, and only myself.
The arrogant trawlers danced upon the delicate waves. Faceless, the sea shot glares of distress against the shoreline. Sea birds, fought against the foreign winds for direction. Entangled in limbs, I sat reading a novel of hope and romance. The sky was dense with forecasted storms, yet it was beautiful. Simple and elegant. Shades of blue and grey twirled amongst one another. The salty sea breeze cleared my mind. Liberated from every clouded thought, I caught a glimpse of the sunlight. Weak in contrast to it's surroundings, the glimmering beams somehow broke through the stormy barriers.And that was the moment. When I suddenly was able to see with a sense of clarity and direction. Able to visualise the bigger picture, I gained a sense of my true self. Secluded on a shoreline, so simple in beauty and backdrop, I found myself again.
Whispers from a Venice heart, alley cats, disposable caffeine, romancing literature, paparazzi, false accents, inked loiterers, underground subways, unspoken friendships, delicate burns, southern foreigners, televised grayscale, vessels of liquor, a distant mindset, sickening cologne, the lilac, a vandalised canvas and those political tunes.
My night life must seem so strange.
That gentle shade of rose that blooms upon your cheeks, is fragile. Embarassment has never really favoured me, although you helped exemplify this unlike any other. You charmed me and romanced me, whilst your intentions were clearly pretentious. By captivating my trust, holding onto it and then mocking it, you changed me. The harm you caused is my hidden blessing. I will gather my courage and thank you. For opening my eyes. I now know myself, my allies and where I stand. So although I lost the battle, my wounds have healed twice as strong. From fragility to detached from pety tears. Thank you.
After hanging up the phone, I felt numb. That complete lack of all emotions has seemed to linger for a week now. Nothing has inspired me or caught my eye since. The scent of overly pungent perfume and nicotine seems all too familiar on this chattering vessel. No skyline or artwork captivates me and I feel as if I am losing touch with everyone around me. In all honesty I would welcome the feeling of betrayl or sadness rather than this nothingness. I feel unhuman. Almost guilty for faking a smile. I know one day colour will return in my perception, but until then I am stuck feeling nothing. Thanks to you.
Ever had one of those days that makes you change your perspective of your surroundings? Well today was one of those days for me. After promising myself I would never let another human being near my heart until I was confident in their intentions, I fell for the European. To abbreviate the scenario a heart was broken and it wasn't his. My naivety had gotten the best of me and today my eyes were opened to his mastered charm which he seemed to cast not just over me. Tears were shed and cigarettes were chain smoked, until I confided in my friend. The one girl able to make sense of this dillusional town, soldiered in a battle that was not hers, all in effort to clear my name and hush my tears. I've found a beauty that is incapable of fading or faltering. With no hesitation, I can say I would take a bullet for her. The European may have stole my smile but my angel returned it safely to me. I love you Elisabeth May Roeland <3
Another morning welcomed by the dense air that is more familiar to Summer, not Spring, and nothing has changed in the city. Apart from the forecast everything else here reads the same. The streets are still littered with foreigners and the homeless, the trains leak noises of danger, the stars are dim amongst the black sheets of pollution at night and everyone maintains their synchronized mentalities. Still yet to experience the kiss of snow, the feeling of total independance and learn the charm of romance. Winter is gone and yet this town mirrors the way it has been every season before. Heaven seems further away then ever, almost as if I am drowning in this city. I need saving, S.O.S.
