Monday, December 28, 2009

Dearest apologies

"I'm sorry," seems to be as common as each sunrise these days and I do apologise for my slightly cynical take on the sympathetic term, but I hate the feeling of obligation to forgive someone once they utter those three words. Actions speak louder than words, and correct me if I am wrong, but if someone is genuinely sorry about their actions they would attempt to do everything in their power to right their wrong instead of just apologising and expecting you to simply act as if it never happened. Sorry for my cynicism, but I am fucking sick to death of hearing I am sorry. How about don't do anything to be sorry for in the first place?

Saturday, December 26, 2009


That creature will eat your heart, brain, hold your hand and then sever every bond you once shared. The midnight howls are nauseating. Put those fangs away. My apologies for the vulgarity, but the language exemplifies your malicious acts. I refuse to share another sunrise. I've shown you my teeth, now cower beneath another bed to haunt some other restless soul.

Silver hearts

Awaiting nothing less than fabulous pays off. Being interrupted by familiar footsteps while piecing together your own cinderella startles the heart, but in the sweetest of manners. Nothing to lose but my pre-existing insecurities. Pink lilies that accompany kisses acquire the most affectionate of scents. Yes I'm that smitten, it's sickening. I refuse to learn the virtue of patience, yet I promise to wait for you. Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.

Sunday, December 20, 2009


I've never seen a boy drown so quickly, not even an embrace could save you from those depths of sorrow. If your vulnerability is what ignited the tension, I apoligise for provoking the fire. Realise that the destruction of your defence was what made me allow myself to love you. You were silent, but that kiss was all I needed.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Forever dreaming

A delicate matter, yet the provoked romances sicken one to the bone. I long for a purity of words, a heart of intergrity and strength and a mind that begs to question the status quo. Tedious years have been spent dreaming of such a delight, one that the venom of your kiss has fulfilled.

All dressed up in love

Sincere apologies for my faint heart. I dream of the day where my rib cage holds true, and refuses to let another soul past it. But as for you, this can be an exception. An exceptional exception.

Friday, December 11, 2009

All is calm, all is bright

Better left in the dark around this time of year. His ghost haunts every December, as well as every past soul mate that gifted a knife in the back. I want to be naive and pray that it will be different this time around and if it wasn't for my soldier they would be empty prayers. But I guess with an angel by your side, how can you go wrong?

Entangled hearts

All bound up in your love, don't call my name though. Emit the everlasting beacon of fidelity baby and you can call me yours. Those dominating kisses and passionate whispers are my guilty pleasure. Let me into your heart and mind then my hand will be yours to hold.

Monday, December 7, 2009


When your eyes wander, it isn't just my shadows that follow me anymore. I can feel when my ghosts begin to seperate us, and even though it happens right before my very eyes, it feels as if there is no way stopping it. But when the clothes were put back on and your things were packed I decided I am moving, forwards and away from what I have been. This isn't cemented, but give me three words, eight letters, then I am yours.

Say one thing, do another

1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, that one does not really possess.

No definition is really required considering everyone encountered is already familiar with the practices of this facade. The east coast is dressed in a decadent form of hypocricy, whilst its inhabitants feel obligied to dish out the curses, they then cower and blame at the rebuttal. Some integrity and sincerity is desperately needed in this town. Get me out of here.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

My notebook

His eyes are the same shade and the sincerity of his heart reflects Noah, yet he is all mine. In broad daylight on a busy street, we stepped on one another's toes in attempts of dancing. As the rain fell, his words echoed while he took my hand and led me to a kiss that put any others to shame. Now we've found our wings and I cannot get him out of my head.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Sunday, November 29, 2009


Dear European,
Tell me, why did you feel the need to start conversation with me today? My days were a lot more simpler and care free without you interfering. I pretended an interest in your life and "her", but the truth is, I could not care less. Your world could fall apart and I would simply blame it on karma and not lose a night's sleep over it. So please, do us both a favour and resume living your life that will eventuate to nothing of great importance. I won't miss you, I promise.

Author's note: Apparently the Maltese boy didn't like being written about, and somehow that was meant to change my decision on keeping this post? Turns out ignorance runs thick in his veins.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Seeing through the eyes of an owl

Nose bleeds, emotional peep shows, secrets whispered and fairytale kisses; all between the sheets. We bare all to one another - skin, secrets and dreams. Stupid girl always thinking with her heart not her head, but now it's paid off. Once the clock ticks over we can set this city alight and burn unlike any other. That heart will be mine one day, like it or not baby, you will be mine.

Sunday, November 22, 2009


This is not lust or love. This is something unexplainable. He is perfect. He is mine, and right now, that's all that matters.


Love is weird. But females are weirder. I've lost my mind staying up late at night, trying to configure a valid reason as to why certain girls act the way they do. I'm hungry for some answers. An out of state vixen denies our affection and you follow her, why? Never have you shared an atmosphere or memory. This situation is crazy and I am too exhausted to decode her actions, as well as yours. Realise what you have, before it's gone.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Deny me my astronomy

I'll be the lady

And you will be different to all the rest...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

LV: Paris Fashion Week

Newest inspiration. In love with Sasha Pivovarova, still.

Eleven eleven

Every night I have stayed awake until 11:11pm, simply to wish, for you. Everytime I gaze into your brown eyes, I suddenly don't feel so alone. Your smile, your words, your natural scent brings an unknown comfort to my conscience and heart. Perhaps your feelings are all make believe, but right now I don't care. I just want to be wrapped up in your arms and to be told I mean the world to you. In my dreams, we are untouchable and for now, I would like to pretend we are.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Friday, November 13, 2009


I want starlight kisses and everlasting butterflies.

Current state of mind


Serve me up a hard dose of atmosphere. I'm sorry, but how am I suppoed to ever be capable of trusting another individual after what you did to me? A soul of day dreams and faith, corrupted by your malicious greed. You and your seconds chances fell in love with my weakness. At first I was hesitant to farewell your presence from my life, but now I realise, it was the best decision ever made. There is meant to be faith in love but with you, sister, there was nothing. You destroyed every morsel of love, trust and faith between us. Thank you, for opening my eyes to this disaster piece. Goodbye seven years, 2002-2009

Honesty is the best policy

The truth is, I can't do this any longer.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


I don't want to be friends

Beauty exists, it just fades.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


The tattoos, the rockstar lifestyle, the carefree attitude, doesn't cut it for me anymore. Whatever happened to a boy with intelligence, ambition and charm. Apparently they've all dropped off the face of the planet and all that's left to select from are damaged goods that frequent dirty bars and remain unemployed. I am not asking for a man with money -or any relationship at all right now- but just to encounter a male with a mind and heart of his own, and the ability to keep his pants on. Chivalry and charism should become the new black.


Like a bird in a cage, I crave freedom. It cautiously meets the shore for the desired company but then drifts out, back into the plains of oceanic serenity. No fences, nor boundaries to confine me into a contorted space; just the sea breeze and routine of sunrise and set. That's what I yearn for - freedom.

+ New outlook

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Not my forte'

Whilst a deathly alter ego was worn by every boy and girl, I'm now left feeling rather deathly. This virus I've caught has seemed to have fused every thought in my mind into something completely incoherrant. My eyes are heavy whilst my body is weak, all because of the theft of an American tradition. Every previous written post has seemed to capture the essence of my latest emotions, although if read by another, makes no sense. I'm not losing myself, as I am well aware of the grip that holds on one's spirit. This is simply a cold, caused by standing in the rain at 2am on Halloween, but has led to myself being completely unable to make any sense of my rhythmic thoughts or intentions. As for now, I hate Halloween and the sickening weather it brings.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Goodbye knight

A glimmer of hope existed within me today. Although fleeting, I refuse to disregard such a delight. No morsel of guilt, nor regret, exists for that kiss we shared. Under my breath, I whispered every single word I longed to tell you, but somehow couldn't. If only you heard, or I was summon the courage, then perhaps this could perhaps blossom into something sought out by the thousands. I long to be the girl of your dreams, but find it hard to fathom expressing my adoration for you, as you've found another. You found a lover. And nobody wants some pre-loved item of affection, who is damaged. Although you may not have realised it. You rescued me today... my own knight in shining armour.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009


I'm all robotics now. All for the money. No time to be wasted on those fables and make-believers. No weak knees or sweaty palms. I'm untouchable. Unaffected. It's delicious. Pure wonder. Don't waste trying to understand, just embrace. Lost myself, found a better version. This city won't take me and I will be damned if it try. Red nails, high heels and ignorance. I'm in bliss. Friends seem to fly in and out of my life. Diets seem never ending. But never looking for approval, now that's utter pleasure. Nothing less than the best baby. Don't look back.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Out of reach

I cannot fathom anyone coming close to receiving my affection. Never seen played out in reality, thus in my eyes, romance remains to exist only in films and novels. One nighters and liners don't cut it for me, and never will. My mind is set on what I long for, and deserve, and I refuse to accept anything less. Independance seems to fit me better though, so for the time being I intend to rely on myself, and only myself.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Returned safely

The arrogant trawlers danced upon the delicate waves. Faceless, the sea shot glares of distress against the shoreline. Sea birds, fought against the foreign winds for direction. Entangled in limbs, I sat reading a novel of hope and romance. The sky was dense with forecasted storms, yet it was beautiful. Simple and elegant. Shades of blue and grey twirled amongst one another. The salty sea breeze cleared my mind. Liberated from every clouded thought, I caught a glimpse of the sunlight. Weak in contrast to it's surroundings, the glimmering beams somehow broke through the stormy barriers.And that was the moment. When I suddenly was able to see with a sense of clarity and direction. Able to visualise the bigger picture, I gained a sense of my true self. Secluded on a shoreline, so simple in beauty and backdrop, I found myself again.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Sixième amour

Whispers from a Venice heart, alley cats, disposable caffeine, romancing literature, paparazzi, false accents, inked loiterers, underground subways, unspoken friendships, delicate burns, southern foreigners, televised grayscale, vessels of liquor, a distant mindset, sickening cologne, the lilac, a vandalised canvas and those political tunes.
My night life must seem so strange.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Innocence doesn't save you

That gentle shade of rose that blooms upon your cheeks, is fragile. Embarassment has never really favoured me, although you helped exemplify this unlike any other. You charmed me and romanced me, whilst your intentions were clearly pretentious. By captivating my trust, holding onto it and then mocking it, you changed me. The harm you caused is my hidden blessing. I will gather my courage and thank you. For opening my eyes. I now know myself, my allies and where I stand. So although I lost the battle, my wounds have healed twice as strong. From fragility to detached from pety tears. Thank you.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Writer's block

After hanging up the phone, I felt numb. That complete lack of all emotions has seemed to linger for a week now. Nothing has inspired me or caught my eye since. The scent of overly pungent perfume and nicotine seems all too familiar on this chattering vessel. No skyline or artwork captivates me and I feel as if I am losing touch with everyone around me. In all honesty I would welcome the feeling of betrayl or sadness rather than this nothingness. I feel unhuman. Almost guilty for faking a smile. I know one day colour will return in my perception, but until then I am stuck feeling nothing. Thanks to you.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Ever had one of those days that makes you change your perspective of your surroundings? Well today was one of those days for me. After promising myself I would never let another human being near my heart until I was confident in their intentions, I fell for the European. To abbreviate the scenario a heart was broken and it wasn't his. My naivety had gotten the best of me and today my eyes were opened to his mastered charm which he seemed to cast not just over me. Tears were shed and cigarettes were chain smoked, until I confided in my friend. The one girl able to make sense of this dillusional town, soldiered in a battle that was not hers, all in effort to clear my name and hush my tears. I've found a beauty that is incapable of fading or faltering. With no hesitation, I can say I would take a bullet for her. The European may have stole my smile but my angel returned it safely to me. I love you Elisabeth May Roeland <3

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Restless slumber

Another morning welcomed by the dense air that is more familiar to Summer, not Spring, and nothing has changed in the city. Apart from the forecast everything else here reads the same. The streets are still littered with foreigners and the homeless, the trains leak noises of danger, the stars are dim amongst the black sheets of pollution at night and everyone maintains their synchronized mentalities. Still yet to experience the kiss of snow, the feeling of total independance and learn the charm of romance. Winter is gone and yet this town mirrors the way it has been every season before. Heaven seems further away then ever, almost as if I am drowning in this city. I need saving, S.O.S.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Cheap love

During my nightly encounters with foreigner conversation a boy asked me "Have you ever been in love?" With every question that came before it I was able to respond with a sense of confidence and self assurance in my answer, but for some reason my mind tripped over such a questioning riddle. How is someone to know if they are in love or not, considering there is no physical evidence or subliminal message given. No sign from the heavens or memo received informing them that what their feeling is in fact love. But what happens when one thinks they are in love, and is able to hand over the charming three magic words to their significant other, but once their relationship has disintergrated, their feelings follow and then are left with a completely different outlook of their former love. Or perhaps I question it all due to the fact I perhaps have never properly experienced in being in love. My Southern Californian companion never received an answer to his question, although my heart was exhausted from questioning every feeling it had once felt.

photo credit: alma gerbavec

Monday, September 14, 2009

Foxes and ashtrays

Somedays I wish I had a mask, one that resembled something captivating. Something utterly magical. Something that completely masked all my vulnerability and flaws. Everytime I glance into a mirror, I seem to always question if I could've done better, not with my appearance but within myself .Every stroke of bad luck leads me to question whether I in fact deserved it and it was just karma retaliating at my previous mistakes. And if so, then if I was to break someone's heart does that then leave me vulnerable to karma leaving me with the exact same fracture? Maybe I don't need to find a companion and perhaps I am better off remaining alone even if it does leave me feeling completely bare. I'm forever wondering if revealing my true nature is in the best interest, for not only myself, but those around me and whether this exposure will come into fashion.


A European boy kept me company on Friday night and while he drank wine and I stuck to my Russian vodka, I smiled for the first time that week. I remember the next night I drank liquor in a beautiful garden along the riverside and watched F1-11's fly aimlessly above me. The people around me were those I loved and I was all liquored up, nothing more was needed. I remember telling him "Shut up and hold me," as if I have to force romance upon myself considering it has gone out of fashion. I hate when trends come in and out, especially when romance is one of them.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

From Malta with love

I refuse to ever dim my lights down for you sweetheart, now if only I could find my way. I mean if the ability to move mountains is unattainable then why does my conscience crave such a thing? The echoes in my mind beg to allude to something greater although I fear that in the end I will disappoint myself. The seduction of a dream is what captivates, yet the struggle to with old the aspiration teases my naive maze of thoughts. My hands are well on their way to grasping this future investment, yet something is holding me back. This civil war within me does not want to cease, as if I enjoy taunting myself. If I could predict this persuit's forecast like any other weather man, I could only imagine it riddled with disappointment, tears and blood shed, with a chance of heart break. Perhaps that is what has me tied down here. To this city. To these faces. To my routine. With each fleeting season, my fear that it will all end manifests. These words seem to escape me, without a hint of sanity. If I am so sure of where I am supposed to end up, why am I stopping myself from reaching my destination ? Perhaps I am my own worst enemy.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

No choice

It's sad that I am of the age of only sixteen, yet I am well aware of how fleeting genuine happiness is. After a discussion with a paticular lady who has a large impact in my life, I realised I am not alone in this boat. People these days seem to take advantage of the values of genuine kindness. Butterflies still flutter amongst my insides occasionally, but I have noticed their wings don't hold any inner strength. My smile still appears, but refuses to last the length the time. I'm not unaware of the fact that all good things must in fact come to an end, but why so soon. The life of an angel in my life was taken so soon, the one person I imagined loving had a change of heart, I settled into my situated lifestyle yet was uprooted and reloacted to a smaller town with a duller view. If this life is all we have got, then why must everything appreciative come to an end? Love should have no limits nor boundaries of time or space, excitement would be better if it were able to captured in a little glass bottle to admire and experience forever. I suppose these feelings are so fleeting so we are almost forced to appreciate them even more. And to those who call myself cynical, I would rather be known as the girl who was in fact in touch with reality.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Definition: love

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.
It was around 11pm and I was heavily intoxicated standing in the middle of the street and I was told "I love you." Sorry darling but if you consider 5 months of endless fights, deception and mistreatment, love then you're greatly mistaken. To take someone's heart and completely destroy any remaining hope, is not love. I refuse to make this a genuine heart felt piece of text, considering you frankly don't deserve heart felt after your actions. I am sorry for ever loving such a heartless soul.

Friday, September 4, 2009

This ain't a game

Sometime late afternoon yesterday I missed a call from an old friend, someone whom has never once me called in the past. After redialling my number again I picked up with a cigarette consuming my other grasp. I will admit, hearing his voice brought back uncomfortable memories of substance abuse and inner-confliction, but then he managed to construe his words in such a way that it seemed as if I had just met this friend. He proceeded to compliment me without any sexual or objectifying undertones, and then told me that he had faith in me. I've never been overly religious nor spiritual but to hear that someone genuinely believed in me honestly took my breath away. The words may be simple, yes that is true, but in a day and age where faith seems lost. Not just the generalised religious kind, but the hope that everything will turn for the better and to withold faith in yourself is a powerful thing. Never after hanging up on a phone call have I felt so structured yet speechless.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

La prise de la sécurité

For the first time in perhaps my whole life, I have felt secure in my surroundings. In an vessel places upon the corner of busy streets, assumed to be renovated by a couple of money hungry bastards, I found my safety. When I was forced to sit face to face with the one female I utterly despise for her pitiful actions, I remained unusually calm. I attempted no sarcastic remarks nor any dirty glances, because for the first time I felt no need. Never has such a foreign kiss tasted so sweet, and I would be in denial if I claimed my heart had placed no investment into this ideal future. If I was to take such a figure, in any circumstance, I know that no matter what I would feel entirely secure. I feel for the first time I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Within this vessel I feel no stretch in attempting to be myself, but instead I feel utterly content with being vulnerable. And for the first time I know for a matter of fact, I have found something worth keeping.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

In Phoenix

Last night I realised a lot, although the one thing that stood out in front of the rest, was how restricted I feel. The weekend that has just passed exemplified this perfectly considering I had almost everyone telling me how to feel or react. Apparently I am not mature or intelligent enough to decide who I should and shouldn't have relations with, reguardless of my feelings. According to others I should be astounded at the fact numerous things were stolen from my party. The fact is I expected it. Never have I once expected common decency from those around me because of past experiences, so why should I all of a sudden assume that people will treat me with the same respect that I treat them.. I mean it's never been like that for me before. Don't get me wrong, it's utterly disgusting how some people treat me, but I am aware of it and know how to handle myself. I'm always second guessed, yet the return of the items looks promising and all thanks to the one person everyone questioned me about. It's time for everyone else to start worrying about themselves, and perhaps attempt to hold some faith within my judgement. I am beginning questioning how much more I can bare of the condescending glances and interrogating manners of those who I hold close.

Friday, August 28, 2009

My all time low

After anticipation consumed me, the night I thought would be memorable, was in fact that, but for all the wrong reasons. I genuinely havent been more happy to see the majority of my friends all in the same place and the vodka went down with great ease, pity I came to the biggest realisation of this year.. I oblivious to the majority of things around me and people's characters. The thought of having someone genuinely appreciate and return the adoration I feel towards them, scares me. It's sad that I expect nothing more than to be fucked over. Apparently electronics and frozen goods are both ideal items to thieve at a house party. I'm yet to find any justification for their acts, probably because there isn't one. Nothing more than a night gone wrong.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The consonant

The letter "J" has impacted tonight more than I suspected any letter ever could.

First of all, a boy of a name that begins with "J", is now the reason for this confused mind state I am left in. I loathe every dimension of his personality, but without fail I break downwithout any real justification for my tears every time I see him. He played the game better than all the rest that he followed, and somehow managed to take my heart and utterly destroy it.. hurting it in everyway he knew possible, yet wore the facade of the naive heartbreak. He wiped every tear that stained the pillows, yet then became the reason for them. I hate the fact I cannot hate him.

Secondly, my saviour of tonight was a girl whose name started with a "J". Yet again she astonished me with her angelic manner in the way she wiped away every tear I shed without even being in the room. I'm unsure how I would ever manage without her, or how I ever have in the past. Without her, I know for a fact I would be spending the rest of tonight questioning every action I have ever made. I truly love her, and will be forever grateful to have had her in my life.

Saturday, August 22, 2009


Realistically, I have never been one who desires materialistic objects, instead I would rather just admire them whilst watching Christian Lacroix or Oscar De Larenta fashion shows on my television at home. Although, there was one item that has always taken my fancy in the Myer makeup and fragrance department, and it was a little bottle labelled "Miss Dior Cherie". Of course I never purchased it considering I didnt have a couple hundred dollars to throw around. After almost a year of admiring the perfume and seeing advertisements for the fragrance, today my mother dearest informed me that she had bought some early birthday presents that she was willing to give me before my actual birthday. To my suprise, she had actually gone out and bought the perfume for me, and I must admit I have never felt such excitement over seeing a glass bottle filled with liquid since I saw my first Effen bottle of imported Vodka.. I guess the moral of my time consuming story is, that if you dream upon enough stars and make countless wishes on 11:11, your wish will come true, either that, or if you imply enough, just how much you crave something for a gift around the time of your birthday. I would much rather remain naive and hope that it was all my wishing, and mother's kindness that is to blame for my new perfume.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Seven days

It's hard to believe there is only one week until my 16th birthday celebrations, even though my actual birthday is two days before hand.. I suppose it wouldn't be appropriate to get wasted on Wednesday night anyways. The list of people coming has tripled within a week and the pressure is now starting to kick in. But then I had a thought, why even bother wasting my days worrying whether it will turn out well or not, I mean nobody really remembers parties when they drink enough. All you're really left with is vague flashbacks and photographs which help trigger you to remember certain events, but in all reality.. I cannot remember one really good party where I remembered the whole thing. Another downside is, I won't even remember my own sweet sixteenth.. thanks to my love affair with vodka. It will hopefully be worth it though considering I will be able to spend time with some amazing people, whilst dancing to good music. Althoiugh it confuses me as to why I am putting in so much effort, money and time into throwing a decent party when everyone is there to just drink and dance, and won't even recall the night properly.
Party like a rockstar, and look like a movie star xo

Monday, August 17, 2009

Hearts don't break

But they do sometimes refuse to pulse the blood through the arteries, and when that happens it leads to yet another hospital visit. It gets harder everytime seeing a relative you care about hooked up to machines which display their pulse and breathing rhythm.. almost makes him look unhuman with that many tubes attached to his frail structure. His diet is strict and he is unable to move, every one seems externally optimstic, but I can tell they're all genuinely fretting his departure. Apparently a triple bypass is required, either that or they will insert a pace maker into his delicate cage of bones. I make sure everytime I see him I let him know how much he truly does mean to me, considering I never want to lose another soul without a goodbye.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sleep deprived

For the first time in ages.. I truly don't know what will come next. It seems like everyone around me is aware of the fact I am in way over my head. In a city of such wonder I refuse to be sucked in. One night of sin has never hurt anybody. I know from an outside perspective I seem to be clueless on which paths I intend to cross in my life, but which ever path I do encounter, I swear to tread with careful footsteps. It seems as if everyone within my life wants to second guess my actions and attitude, as if I am naive to my surroundings. I am well aware of every movement I make, and I am sick of having to reassure everyone to trust me in the fact I know what I am doing. I am holding out for the day when I can leave this town behind and prove them all wrong, well in the meantime at least I have Mourning Tide playing,
cigarettes vodka, 39'er and jessica to keep me sane

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Good girls never stay that way

Some people are under the impression that money truly does make the world go around, and although I do believe that statement holds a liable amount of validity.. imagine what a life without the worries of money would be like. Of course economically my theory would not stand a chance and the world would be sent into a state of hysteria.. but imagine if people were not so consumed by capitalism. Business men would transform into more doting fathers who would be able to attend their child's birthdays and be able to help their son or daughter's homework. The upper class society would fall to the grounds of equality with everyone else, and I assume a sense of understanding would follow. People would not just been seen as bank accounts, people could not be used for their materialistic assests and the term 'gold digger' would be unheard of. Perhaps I could be considered naive or ignorant to believe all of this, but I really don't care.. I will forever dream of a better world, no matter how outrageous it may seem to others.. Like Marilyn Monroe once said: "I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful"

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

My Tuesday Night

Tonight is beginning to make me scare even myself, as I find myself compelled to genuinely be jealous about all the girls whose eyes are able to be laid upon the boy who I am interested in tonight, whilst he is out at the usual bar.. Jealousy is a new thing for me, and I am not sure how to deal with it. So in my attempt to slow down my mind from going a million miles an hour, I watched another episode of America's Next Top Model and painted my nails a custom baby pink. I have this eerie feeling that everything is going too well for things to remain this way I mean the health in question of those around has improved, I am closer than ever to those who mean the most to me and I have stumbled across perfection. Never wake me up please..

Sunday, August 9, 2009


You took my heart and you left me open, just give it back to me. You felt as though I would always be there, no matter what you did. Now my world is falling, now the truth starts forming. I will always love you, but I don't need you. In pictures you're perfect, in real life you fucked me around. If I was your first love then why'd you keep letting me down? You came and took the only the thing I had inside of me, that was left of me. There is nothing that I regret more, then ever loving you, then every holding you. Your emp
Publish Post
ty words match your empty heart..
Her Last Song - S.A.H

To the writer of this song, this post isn't directed at you even in the slightest, even though your actions towards me proved to be heartless and exemplified your complete lack of common decency.. but somehow these lyrics you wrote for have seemed to reach perfect symmetry with how I have been feeling about my ex, b.m.g. No person has ever come closer to my heart, nor has one person ever let me down so much.. this is not a public display of my disappointment or heartbreak, because it is physically impossible for a heart to ever break. Although this is a goodbye.

When the rain falls..

Once the rain begins to descend upon the pavement, the streets are then littered with the common business man or woman with an umbrella.. After spending another casual Sunday afternoon listening to my ipod on shuffle, I came across two songs on my mp3 player, whose lyrics depicted an umbrella and how it somehow came into holding significance in a relationship. The two songs I am referring to are "Umbrella" by Rihanna and "Forget About the Forecast" by The Arrival. Both songs basically imply for their significant other to come under their umbrella, as if it gives them some sense of security, although when used in real life context it does depict a grim sight. About two years ago, I was innocently going about my business and walking in the rain, amongst the cold city sights in hope of reaching a coffee shop of some sorts. Eventually, the sound of mugs and glasses clinking against each other became audible. Just as I was close to crossing the final zebra striped piece of pavement, a middle aged man turned and looked at me. With a self righteous smirk smeared across his face, he gained the audacity to look me straight in the eye and say "Hey baby, you look cold.. I could be your umbrella." Never have I felt so disgusted and speechless, thankfully the lights turned green and I was able to make a quick escape. I suppose the moral of this story, is that no matter how good a lyric sounds as a pick up line never use it, especially if you're a middle aged man...